Crazy Like A Fox: Inside the mind of Little Loca
Words: Robert Brink / Missbehave, April 2007
Twenty-two year old Stevie Ryan looks like Sherilyn Fenn. This is hella distracting since I'm a lot obsessed with Twin Peaks. LittleLoca, on the other hand—Stevie's YouTube video blogging, virginity-bearing, 4.0 GPA-having, dark lipstick and hoop earring-rocking, opinionated-yet-irresistible chola alter-ego—does not. But she's ridiculously hot, too. Sure, critics are gonna be critical saying Stevie, a white girl, is getting all racialist portraying a Latina, but she swears up and down that Loca is an homage. Stevie jocked the shit outta the Latin girls she went to high school with in Victorville, California. A town where the 24-hour Wal-Mart had to change its hours of operation due to crime, where the per capita income is just shy of $15,000, and where Ms. Ryan—like a whole slew of ya'll—started loving that dark lipliner.
Since LittleLoca's vlogs beelined to YouTube's "Most Viewed" list with 69 videos at the end of 2006 and over 4 million views, Ms. Ryan has not only garnered the cover of Inside MySpace magazine and a New Yorker article, but has also gotten Hollywood recognition, with super-official, big willie, Tinsel Town management. Stevie and LittleLoca have been in the game for a minute though, with a few independent films like Sell Out and Rhapsody, a rumored Crispin Glover collaboration, and an appearance in Billy Idol's latest music video already in the portfolio. Now she's wrapping up Locamotion Derailed, a LittleLoca short that she wrote, produced, directed, and starred in. In anticipation of her new project, we chased down our homegirl and got this exclusive interview from the set, where LittleLoca dropped sage science about Jesus, Nutty Block Crips, and why Ricky Ricardo could get it.
We've noticed that your mole moves in every episode. Is this a public service commentary about melanoma being the most preventable form of cancer?
It ain't a mole, fool. It's a beauty mark! It's a little angel kiss. But seriously, melanoma is the most common form of cancer for people between the ages of like, 20 and 29. It's the most serious form of cancer in the USA and in 2006 there were 62,000 cases. People better check themselves before they wreck themselves. That was a PSA for you right there.
Whoa. Nice stats. Where do you go to college?
I'm up by USC.
Adderall in moderation for studying purposes? Yay or nay?
Oh, no, no, no, no, no. I'm not even down with Tylenol. Loca's tryna keep it all clean.
That's good; you're a positive influence on America's youth.
It's just that I'll turn like, retarded. I'll even get like I'm poisoned. I'll start throwing up and it's like, my body just rejects anything like that, you know?
On the subject of upchuck, in Cooking with Loca, and Many Shout Outs, you get hella culinary. No disrespect, but what self-respecting Latina makes quesadillas in the microwave?
I gotta be doing homework! If I had time, I'd probably be cooking it up but I gotta be worrying about making those straight As, you know?
What did you get on your SAT verbal?
I got an 800, homeboy!
High five! Me too. So, we all know that hateration is the fuel of the jealous, but why do you think you have so many haters?
Why did Jesus have so many haters?
Why did Jesus have so many haters?
People don't like what they don't understand. I don't hate anybody.
Not even Paris Hilton, who goes on YouTube as therealparis?
Paris Hilton? Homegirl needs to get up off YouTube. I don't know why she's on there. She's already on everything. How you gonna be carrying a can of wine and be telling me things? It's like, Take your big ol' size 11 feet and march 'em off. These celebrities…they just wanna come up and steal everything from anybody that has anything. Damn!
And what's your beef with J. Lo?
You know what? Its not that I have beef with J. Lo, but seriously, that girl, she says she's "Jenny from the block," but she's Jenny that went around that block. She's had so many damn boyfriends and husbands in Hollywood. I just wouldn't want to be called that, you know? Don't try to put me in the hoodrat category or whatever.
Speaking of, ahem…loose women, you are not one. In fact, you're hymenally intact. Tell us, what Hollywood hottie could get that V card and why?
You know what? I think everybody is gonna expect me to say something stupid…Johnny Depp or Brad Pitt or something, you know? But nuh-uh. I ain't following all of these wicked waymen of the world into all their nastiness…no one is gonna get this [like that], I'm using it for what it's made for—to multiply.
Oooookay. Do you have any Hollywood dreamboat crushes?
Um, let's see, I woulda hooked up with Ricky Ricardo. It's just that I don't feel these guys in Hollywood. They aren't very manly, you know? They're all like little bitches—all of them. So it's hard.
Not into the metrosexuals?
Hell naw, I'm into a man. A manly man. I'm not about to have somebody that's gonna cry to me. Talk about how they need to go wax the middle of their eyebrows, tryna borrow my tweezers... Shoot.
How many bandanas do you have?
I lost count after 420. I don't know. A lot though, every color.
Heh....420…Um so you're always shot in black and white. Is this so we can't tell what colors you claim? Or is it some West Coast Rap All-Stars unity shit like, "We're All In the Same Gang"?
Naw, it's to keep it old school. Keeping the roots of film. Paying respect to the veterans of filmmaking. Everything used to be in black and white and I'm just bringing it back.
Yeah but you're a persuasive, articulate girl living in LA. What would you do to ease tension between the Piru Bloods and the Nutty Block Crips?
Exactly! I live in LA so you know damn well I ain't gonna mention nothing about no Piru Bloods and no Nutty Blocks, 'cause, like, I ain't even gonna go near that tension. I ain't even trying to give any advice to them.
Channeling James Lipton, what's your favorite curse word?
The word "curse" is derived from "pronouncing a curse on a person," like the curse by God denouncing the serpent. So cursing by supernatural powers is a bad thing and a real believer should be known by the fruits of their spirit and from their walk with Christ and not by cursing, so I'm gonna leave it at that.
Whoa, that's deep.
That's what Loca is. I ain't a shallow person, fool.