Words: Rob Brink
The Skateboard Mag August 2010
“He's really good for skateboarding, even if skateboarding doesn't know it—everyone loves him,” says Matt Eversole, brand manager of enjoi skateboards.
“He’s like, borderline crazy,” says Jerry Hsu. “Old-fashioned crazy—really quiet … and then he just fucks you up.”
Not much more really needs to be said about Clark Hassler. However, there are volumes to be spoken about him. When asked how he feels about interviews, Clark explained that it’s simply a minuscule sample of how he’s feeling on a given day and at a certain time, that’s captured for a single magazine article. So please don’t think this is the end all-be all of Clark, because, believe us when we tell you, it just barely scratches the surface.
Put bluntly, if Clark doesn’t pique your interest, you might wanna check yourself for an active pulse.
So you’re in Atlanta filming for the new Nike video?
Yeah. There’s gonna be three different videos or something like that. Like, seven dudes per video if you include the foreigners—Wieger and Louis. Just kidding.
We just had an earthquake in Cali.
No way! Daniel Shimizu just had a dream that there was a big-ass earthquake and I’ve been having dreams about the end of the world where I’m trying to find land ‘cuz it’s all water. Chet Childress is here and had some apocalypse dream last night. What the fuck is going on?
You heard about how terrorists can put explosive gel inside breast implants and airport X-ray machines can’t detect it?
No. Holy fuck. I’ll be on a plane tomorrow. Gotta look for those fake tits! Actually, I already do anyway.
Since it’s Easter Sunday, do you adhere to any religious beliefs?
I was never raised religious, but I always looked for Easter eggs. I wanted the candy and liked the hunt. I liked getting the biggest egg. The other kids are jealous and you’re just eating your chocolate, like, “Fuck you. I won.”
Just like the real world. The guy with the nicer car, the bigger house—the biggest Easter egg—wins.
Find the biggest egg. Look under every rock until someone gets lucky.
You had a connection with Rocco growing up?
Yeah, my father and him were homeboys back in grade school. One day Rocco was like, “Bring him by and get some shit.” That was the day 20 Shot Sequence came out. I went to World and got it, a mini and some Duffs. They’ve hooked me up ever since.
enjoi is mostly San Jose dudes but you’re from LA and living in New York. Do you feel at home with them?
Definitely. They’re awesome. I’ve known Matt Eversole since my first enjoi trip, right after Marc Johnson started it. They are my homies.
What’s the scariest thing about living in New York?
The way friends consume narcotics. Just hoping homeboys stay alive and shit.
When did you move there?
I never really made a choice to move there. In 2007 Todd Jordan asked me to come hang out with him in New York for a while, so I lived on his floor for six months and never left. Being there helps my head. Being around people all the time and not being in the car—ever. Just pushing around, skating in traffic so fast—where if you mess up you’re gonna die. The whole vibe is just rad. The people I skate with in New York are my favorite people on Earth and that’s what keeps me there. I like to bike around too. I got a mountain bike from a crackhead for 30 bucks.
Damn, you came up. So did he.
It’s pretty sick. Miami Vice colors—turquoise and orange. I also love hanging out with my friend Jorge. He’ll be in Manhattan but also in Brooklyn at the same time.
How does he do that?
He just has the ability to be everywhere at once.
Speaking of that, what’s this whole “outer space” thing with you? I heard you went through some portal on the way to a titty bar in New Jersey once.
I never tried to do that. A lot of unexplainable stuff just happens, you know?
Totally. Ever see any ghosts?
Yeah, last night. The apartment we’re staying at in Atlanta is haunted. Jason Hernandez was like, “Clark, that door just moved.” I’m sitting there in his room and the fucking door opens and closes again. Twice. Then, later on, I’m lying there and I swear to fucking God something was standing in the door looking at me. Chet’s been sleeping in another room and he says he saw somebody too—a shadow in the hallway.
Are they bad ghosts?
They’re not bad. Not demon-type shit.
They’re just like, hanging out.
They’re just there. When people start talking about ghosts, my eyes start watering up and I get this weird feeling in my body.
After my dad passed away I swear he spoke to me in a dream I had. It was super-real and scary.
Holy shit. I just got that feeling in my body. The night my dad passed away I didn’t know he was already dead. He came to me in my dream and told me he had to go. I was in sixth grade. The next day in school they called me into the office during third period and told me he passed away. I was like, “Holy fuck.”
It seems there’s only certain people these things happen to.
Happens to my mom all the time. I get it from her.
Something like that. My mom is on some other level shit. I’ve never met anybody who’s seen the shit she has. She’s always been like that. It’s insane. She doesn’t do drugs or anything. I was just talking to her tonight. Like, “How the fuck am I supposed to live in this world when none of these people can even understand what the fuck I’m trying to say? They just look at me like I’m crazy ‘cuz I see shit differently.”
I’m not special or nothing, but if anyone heard the stuff we talk about they’d probably put us in a psycho ward.
You pulled a chick at Burger King because she sensed your good vibes?
She didn’t sense my good vibes; she was just a fucking whore.
Oh, well that’s a vibe too. A couple people said they’ve communicated with you for long periods of time without ever talking. Is this a special skill you have?
It just kind of happens. It’s just one of those things.
Not talking for a whole week at someone’s house?
No, I talk. I just think people take shit overboard.
That’s the outer space thing being blown out of proportion again?
Everyone communicates without talking sometimes. But it’s definitely blown out of proportion: “The first time I met you, you didn’t talk for two weeks, dude!” Yeah right, well then where the fuck were you? I fucking talk all day. What is this, some fucking sci-fi movie?
Good because I’ve been wondering if I’m supposed actually interview you or just read your mind.
Oh hell no. That’s a bunch of fucking bullshit.
Get angry, Clark.
I’ll fucking talk your ear off! [Laughs]
What bugs you about the skateboarding industry?
People saying, “Yeah, we’re gonna do this.” And then nothing happens. It’s just like, “Alright, don’t even fucking talk to me if it’s not even gonna fucking happen. I could go on but I don’t want people to get upset.
It’s funny how easily they get upset in skateboarding. What keeps you from just peacing out and throwing it all away?
Not sitting behind a desk. Fuck, I think everybody who skates is about to toss the shit in the garbage. Bunch of fucking bullshit right now.
A bunch of fuckin’ babies.
A bunch of babies who can’t take a fucking joke. All this bullshit. “We’re a company like this.” But when it really comes down to it, you’re not. So quit fronting, you fuck.
People in skateboarding think they’re original but most of ‘em look and skate the same. The real weirdos—the people who don’t play the “game” right get shut out.
It’s true. “We’re soooo progressive but we’re still doing fucking tricks from 1993 on a ledge that’s one inch taller. And we use lots of wax because we’re a bunch of pussy ass fucks.”
Right? We’re doing lipslides on ledges and all these combos but we can’t even push. Ugh.
Does skating come naturally for you? I see some footage of you that’s technical and super smooth, and then I see other footage that’s totally sketchy and spontaneous.
Some days you feel like you can fucking do anything, you know? Other days you can’t do shit, like, “What the fuck is going on?” That’s what’s awesome about it.
I read a quote from you: “Happiness is easy. You choose to be sad you soft ass pussies.” Do you consider yourself happy?
Happiness is easy. Everyone is just addicted to being sad.
What was the last really funny thing that happened to you?
It’s usually just a fart.
Nice and simple. I admire that. A fart is always funny.
That shit never gets old. A fart and a dick and balls.
It’s just timeless. Do you have the desire to turn pro?
I’m trying to finish this part so I can hopefully go pro. I feel like this is the last chance for me. I’m 26 …
Jose did it!
I can’t be man am for fucking ever. Time to grow up and handle some shit.