Festivus: Goofy Vs. regular 2008
Words: Rob Brink
The Skateboard Mag February 2009
Winning is played. Seriously. Throughout all of history, people just want to win shit. Free stuff, games, wars, bets, the affection of another person or many people, skateboarding contests. Wanting to win just starts trouble and drama and usually results in mental anguish or a loss of income and pride. So, in an unprecedented new marketing strategy that will soon resonate and be imitated throughout the entire industry, The Skateboard Mag decided to lose this year’s GvR on purpose. Keep an eye on your inboxes for the big press release next week.
Since we’ve declared losing to be the new winning, we purposefully told Paul Rodriguez and Nyjah Huston to just kick it wherever they were and not even come to the contest… you know, relax for the weekend.
“Yo dawgs, don’t even bother coming to this GvR thing! We want to lose this contest to start a new craze, homies! It’ll be tight!”
And boy they were psyched!
We also told Ronnie Creager, two-time Team Goofy winner and MVP, to not qualify.
“Yo man, you had surgery not too long ago, you’re filming a sick part for the Blind video… take it easy, seriously… it’s just a contest.”
So he purposely held back some potentially-winning moves that he can’t reveal until the video is out. You (and Blind) will thank us later.
You saw what Paul and Nyjah did at Maloof Money Cup, right? First and second place, respectively. Yeah, having them show up and skate for Team Goofy or having Ronnie rip like he usually does would have made winning way too easy—like taking candy from a baby.
We sprinkled a little taste of what we got in our back pockets around all weekend long anyway. Justin Figueroa took Goofy MVP and basically made the most exciting heat of the finals the most exciting heat of the finals. Kevin Romar qualified first for the Goofies and Rodolfo Ramos won best trick. Brandon Westgate had jaws dropping. It’s not like we don’t got it if we want it.
Aside from that, we were the first to win GvR two years in a row. ABD, son! We did it the second and third year. It took you Regular fools five years to do it. That’s kinda like how snowboarding bites everything skateboarding does, just five years later. Hell, those kooks are just figuring out tight jeans are in, except they wont know for a while that they are kind of out already. I hear just this year at Mammoth there was a mass exodus of brimmed beanies, a la Muska/Penny circa 1996. The local dumpsters and thrift stores were overflowing with them from what witnesses said.
Remember when Andrew Reynolds won Tampa Pro two years in a row and decided not to go compete the third year, because he didn’t want to be “that guy”? Yeah. That’s a class act right there. Do you know anyone who would hate on The Boss right now? Me either. So we didn’t really try for a third win. And now Regular has gone and copied us by winning two years in a row. Big deal. Get of our nuts. Next year they’ll probably try to lose just to keep up with our groundbreaking techniques.
Imitation is the sincerest form of flattery. Besides, in the real word of skateboarding, out on the streets, Goofy still wins if we want to because we have the Gonz, Gino, Carroll, Koston, Howard, Alex Olson, Daewon, Appleyard, Og De Souza and Busenitz. We need not go on…
So go ahead and gloat about your big “sudden death overtime” win this year, Regular footers. Cash your big winning checks and surrender 40% in taxes to The Man…