Robert Brink - Writer

Daily Ops: Tim O'Connor

January 10, 2007 | Skip To The Comments (5)

Daily Ops: Tim O'Connor
10 Ways to not have a driver's license and still maintain a skateboarding career
By Rob Brink & Tim O'Connor
The Skateboard Mag February 2007

Back in the day, the members of our north Jersey skate crew with cars and driving privileges would rotate, pass off and fight over whose turn it was to go pick Tim up or drop him off—for over 10 years—easily. Sometimes we didn't think anything of it, other times is was downright unbearable. Thinking back on things like his Eastern Exposure 3 video part, sometimes I'm baffled as to how he got anything done. Its hard enough being from the East Coast and making a name for yourself in skateboarding; not driving until your mid-twenties and you're making shit nearly impossible. To this day, after about thirteen years of knowing Tim, I've yet to be a passenger in Tim's vehicle.

I recall a later issue of 411 where Tim, in his new Accord, pulls up to Jason Dill and exclaims "I got my license!" Dude was all proud of himself. But leading up to that magic moment, here's how Tim successfully lived license-less:

1. Make sure you live in a place as glamorous as New Jersey, which has the most excellent public transportation of any state. I do believe dirty Jerz has the densest system of trains and buses of any state in this goddamn nation.

2. Give your friends wheels and shit so there will be some sort of incentive for them to pick up your non-driving ass.

3. Quit eating lunch all together at school and save up all your lunch loot so that you can give it to your amigos for gas money. You can also do as I did: just being a grub and asking kids for spare change or eat their food when they weren't looking. Or you can simply just steal from your Mom's purse.

4. Do things to entertain your friends, like making diarrhea in public while people you don't know make eye contact with you. This way your friends will want to pick you up because there's never a dull moment when you're around. I've developed skills like vomiting on command, without sticking my fingers down my throat, to keep the energy level high at any given time.

5. Have newest skate videos and good snacks at your house so there is, once again, a reason for somebody to even consider driving completely out of their way to your house to pick your ass up.

6. As often as possible, sleep over your friend's house (who has a car) so that he/she will have no choice but to chariot your life around with theirs to all the hippest skate spots.

7. Become friends with geeks that have cars but are so pathetic that they'd be more than happy to pick you up just so that they have somebody to hang out with. This, however, is not my top recommendation though cuz', after all, you'll now be hangin' side by side with a pathetic geek that's never said anything cool in his entire life. Not even by accident.

8. If you're white, know some buff ass angry black guys that will threaten your friends with violence if they don't pick you up. If you're black, know some buff ass angry skinheads that will threaten your friends if they don't pick you up. White people are usually scared of big black men and psycho skinheads are also known to not be tangled with.

9. Have a sister or a mother with some big ass titties that your friends will want to come over and look at.

10. If your friend is gay, then try to look your best and he'll definitely want to pick you up. Or get one of them ugly skate hags that drives you and your boys around cuz' she's harsh and will be ecstatic to sit at a skate spot doing nothing except farting to keep herself busy. All you have to do is talk to her once in a while. But you might also have to take her virginity if she threatens not to drive you around anymore. There used to be a girl around my way that did this and we called her fartin' Claire. She would fart with her crew of friends that were barely girls and then giggle which gave me the complete opposite of a boner.