Tim O'Connor, Bam Margera and Bird Shit
The following story was one in a series of tales I had Tim O'Connor tell me in January of 2002—simply because, as the result of being a professional skateboarder, he's always got some random stuff happening to him. Furthermore, he is a master storyteller and I figured one day, somehow, I would be able to use it somewhere.
Tim: A couple years ago, I rode for Zoo York. I was 18. It was me, Bam Margera, Mike Maldonado, and Joe Hiddleson, this filmer guy who has since disappeared off the face of the Earth due to Bam stealing his girlfriend. And he had a bald spot on his face where he was trying to grow a beard and had a big bald spot there where hair wouldn't grow.
We went to Rhode Island and Boston. We were just filming. Then we went to the first X Games, or maybe it was the second, in Newport, Rhode Island. It all sucked—the whole trip was just, whatever. So we are driving home on these back ass roads, the middle of nowhere, just thick ass foliage. Chlorophyll galore.
Its mad quiet in the car, me and Bam are in the back. Mike is in the front and Joe is driving. Me and Bam are just messing around and Bam sticks his ass up by the back of Joe's head and lets out a little fizzle fart [Tim makes a farting noise]. So me and Bam are just giggling like “tee hee hee.” All the windows were closed the whole time except Joe's. It was open not even a centimeter—a half of a centimeter if that is even a measurement. Real miniscule.
So all of a sudden Joe is like “FUCK!” And me and Bam were like “Uh oohhhh he got mad at the fart, giggle giggle.” We weren't saying anything though. And Joe is like “FUCK!!” So we are like “What man? What?” And Joe is like “Just FUCKIN FUCK!!!!!!” So we are like “Okay whatever man.”
Then we realized that Joe is holding his neck the whole time. We were like “What the hell happened to his neck?”
Somehow a bird shit at such a perfect time, while it was perched on a tree limb or flying—whatever it was doing it doesn't matter, it doesn't take away from the amazing accuracy of the shit. It shits, and we are driving 50 mph I would say. And somehow the shit plummets from the sky [Tim makes a plummeting noise], goes through this little crack in the window, and just splatters on this guy's neck. It gets on nobody but him. Somehow it is all over him: it's all dribbling down his neck, all on his eyebrows. He has like one green and white eyebrow with just bird shit. And then it was splattered all over the dashboard and stuff. Everywhere was just complete shit everywhere. Just juicy bird eaten digested worms, ya know? And we all just started cracking up. He's just still yelling “FUCK!”
I was laughing so hard that I was ready to vomit, I couldn't control myself. Joe has to pull over the car because me and Bam were laughing so hard.
Bam starts cracking up. I'm drinking a Yoo Hoo in the back seat and Bam's like “Waaahhhhhh” because he can't hold his piss in anymore. So he grabs my Yoo Hoo bottle, whips his dick out, and starts pissing in the Yoo Hoo in the back seat. So I start cracking up even harder.
So it is still like five hours longer to get home and me and Bam straight up laughed for seriously, five hours straight. I have never laughed that hard in my life. Seriously five hours straight.
(25) responses to: Tim O'Connor, Bam Margera and Bird Shit
me! said:
omfg! when i read that i was fuckin rofl! that is SO funny!
kie said:
dude he rocks
Chelsey said:
That was fucking great. I serouislly laughed for a long time over that. That would be great dude.
bamssk8rgirl said:
omfg!! lmao i read that and it was soo effing funny!!
Vicky said:
very gd i think is some mad stuff but it always ends up been the funniest stuff. carry on bam.
Kim said:
I love Bam Magera he totally rules, but I would like to know one answer!!
Is it really true that he cheated on Jen with jessica????? I mean he totally rules! He's the best skater ever!! But I just want to know??? thanks bam I am your biggest fan! And I hate Jessica Simpson!!
Melissa said:
I love Bam Margera he is the greaters sk8er ever and I love his show Viva La Bam but I think he shoud sk8 more in the show it woud be so mutch funner to wotch the show!!
And wone more thing I hate Jessica Sipmson to!!!
I am your biggest fan ever!!!
bamstruelove said:
bam is mine i love and kno EVERYTHING about him!!!!
Jim Ricks said:
Yo does aneone know bams #, or rakes, or brandons....?
Jessica said:
BAM, don't listen to those stupid fucking bitches that think that u suck u r awsome. u do ur shows a lot, that i love and watch all the time, u still do skate boarding. ur really good at it and i am happy that u r a pro skater. I hope one day i could meet u because u r my favorite skater. P.S u r really hot, keep being that way. just be ur self. do not change ur self and what u do
Jake... said:
uh yeah uh woah why does EVERYONE like bam so much?? like seriously!!!Nyjah Huston is only 11 and he could EASILY beat Bam at SKATE..... people just like his show where he doesnt skate... he just gets his roommates to ammuse him.... SERIOUSLY!!!! he lives with his PARENTS!!!!!!!!!
sk8 B said:
dint reed it but it sounds good
Morbid-Princess said:
Ok, Bam rocks on CKY and Jackass , but he's not "the greatest skater in the world " as most of you guys say. He's OK but way overated because of his shows . Bam rocks , but people should start appreciating other Skaters as well.
By the way Jake, he doesnt live with his parents, they live in his old house.
lil sk8r gal terri said:
bam margera is der bst sk8er i av eva known he's der bst, yo nd he fit as f**k, mwcha luv ya
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**BeCkA** said:
bam margera rules he is mint as he is an ok sk8ta .. hella funni tho..
haha if i got an op to meet one person i wud choose bam he is like the best thats my opinion tho
fiona said:
yeah bam is cool and funny and a good skater but i think some of you people like him way too much, like verging on retarded and wierd. good day
demmi said:
bam is like the hottest guy in the world i so want to meet him p.s dont worry bam im scared of snakes to (jackass2)
demmi said:
hi again my cuz saied to tell bamm he loves guyz and is gay
chati said:
bam is like the HOTTEST guy in the world
x chelsey x said:
omg ! i love bam sooooo much x his the BEST haha ! if i had 1 wish i wud wish 2 meet im :P lol i sooo wana marry im ! im like in love with jackass as well lol x x x x x
sam said:
haha wow that would be awesome i wish i was in that car when that happened. i met bam once b4 at a little skate demo in maryland. it was at rosscroft raceway one of the best days of my life i got ss much shit signed.
booker_noe said:
Funny that, I had the same thing happen when I was driving my car on a "roadie" with my mates, the dumb ass in the back seat got the full bird though, brains, blood guts all over him.
A good excuse to use your A/C, only winde down you window at the Maccas drive through!!!
meg said:
dude bam is so fucking hot, and so awesome but all those people that think hes the best skater ever are so fucking stupid. hes ok but hes barely even cutting pro. love him and all, but still. Tim o's hot too. sorry to burst your bubble though.
Dani O'conner said:
Haha tim told me this at home, funniest shit ive ever hearddd.
kerri said:
omfg dude. that shit is fucking histerical. like the way he said the story its sooo funny. i was fucking dieinnggg. and its so fucking random too.
haha. hilarious shit.
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