Tim O'Connor Discusses SkyMall
The following conversation took place for no particular reason in a McDonalds after an average skateboarding session in NJ in January of 2002.
Tim: There was some kids BMXing over at Love Park the other day and I just told them BMX was so ‘80s and Cru Jones is dead, BMX Plus. I yell at them all the time, but they can probably beat me up because they are all buff from popping wheelies. They fucked up Love so hard. Every time they hit a ledge it is like a car accident. Basically it's like sledge hammering a ledge and like, riding the sledgehammer for a while.
Rob: We used to rent Rad and watch the opening credits because that part had the only authentic freestyle riding in it.
Tim: My favorite part is when they go to the high school dance and they do cherrypickers to: [singing] “Send me an angel, right now.”
Rob: By Real Life
Is that who sings it? I have to get it onto my iPod.
[Quoting movie] “The only thing I am good at is riding this bike.”
And that girl is Uncle Jesse's wife. Uncle Jesse's wife from Full House.
John Stamos—he had the mullet. Perfectly coifed.
Stamos had luxurious, VO5 Hot Oil treatment, thick-volumed hair. Diffused for sure. You know the diffuser on the end of the blowdryer?
Yeah, it's almost like a Dust Buster.
I seen this thing on SkyMall. SkyMall is the best thing if you ever go on a plane—to just look at it. They had this double barrel hair dryer like, for ultra volume. I think it was ionic.
Yeah, everything is ionic with them.
Yeah, everything is ionic. I guess ionic is good.
Sharper Image and SkyMall.
Yeah, they want to ionicize your teeth, your hair, your thoughts. I have two pages in my sketchbook dedicated to SkyMall with the most outrageous shit. I just look at it and laugh every time. They have all these things, like hooded smoke masks and stuff. Like if there ever is a fire you just put this smoke mask on and run around with a Ziploc bag over your head. But the thing is, instead of looking for the mask, you could spend your time leaving the burning house.
Why do they have that on up a plane?
Like you are on a plane and suddenly you decide you want to buy a cement statue of a little boy peeing into a fountain, or an ionic blow dryer.
[Tim looks around]
Do people still do birthday parties at McDonalds? Like does Ronald McDonald still show up? Whatever happened to Grimace? Do they still run the Hamburgular? They were a hit back in the day. The Hamburgular, Grimace, who else?
Mayor McCheese.
Mayor McCheese, oh my God! Holy shit how did you remember that?
He was wearing a tuxedo and his head was a fuckin' cheeseburger dude!
Remember the nuggets when they first came out? They would do flips into the sauce. What was the bird's name the girl bird with the goggles. She always had a problem and Ronald would save the day.
I don't know, ask the guys here, they had to go to Hamburger College.
[Tim gets up and asks the guy behind the counter, but he doesn't know.
Tim drops nugget sauce on his shirt.]
Every meal that involves sauce that I eat, two seconds into the meal it gets all over me.
*The next day I researched the mysterious bird's name on the Web. This email exchange with Tim followed:
Tim,
I found the name of that McDonalds's bird on the Web. It's Birdie. And just so you know, William Cooper, the Behold a Pale Horse guy was shot in November. Supposedly by some deputy somewhere. Conspiracy.
Later,
Brink
Birdie....The answer was so right there that we couldn't see it. My mind is now free to think other thoughts. Since that night I have thought nothing except what tis thee answer to that there thy question. I went to go to the williamcooper.com and the site is now temporarily down. Conspiracy. The gov't may also be keeping tabs on me now, as well, for even trying to enter that digital domain. Conspiracies. Behold a Dead Horse My Friend......Behold.......Okay I'm digitally outta here and on my digital way to the dirty digital Jerz. Stay White brutha'. As salaam Maleka. Or something like that. Tin O'Commor
(2) responses to: Tim O'Connor Discusses SkyMall
MamaH from myspace said:
Hey- thought I would check out your page.
Random thoughts/random conversations are so much more interesting to read. Real life and reality are what people can relate to. I checked out your other articles- keep up the good work. You have a passion, and you are very versed at what you do.
Take care,
Heather
corine said:
i almost sued mcdonald's cuz when i was little i fell out of the spinning burger in the playground, fuck, i could of been filthy rich!!!!
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