Robert Brink - Writer

Battle of the Skate MCs: Tim O'Connor vs. Clyde Singleton

July 16, 2005 | Skip To The Comments (0)

Battle of the Skate MCs: Tim O'Connor vs. Clyde Singleton
By Rob Brink
TransWorld Skateboarding April 2005

This piece was cut down a bit for the mag for reasons of space and content that most likely was explicit or bound to hurt certain people's feelings. I've included the full versions of the interviews here for your reading pleasure:

It takes a certain intelligence, prowess, and fearlessness to entertain and inform hundreds, even thousands of spectators at a skateboarding contest, trade show, or demo. Over the years, Tim O'Connor and Clyde Singleton have become two of the industry's preferred wiseass, clever, funny, and offensive professional skateboarders to hand a microphone to. Hell, they even get paid to do it. Of the pair, you may have a personal favorite or nemesis. Should you even find yourself skating before them, chances are, nothing can save you from either of their verbal onslaughts. Your best bet is to try to draw as little attention to yourself as possible. Either that or just learn to laugh off the abuse and take it like a man, because there is basically no escaping the wrath of their heckling.

Age?

Tim: 14,191,200 minutes into my countdown towards death.

Clyde: Grown man.

Hometown?

Tim: Morristown, NJ.

Clyde: Jacksonville, FL.

Years pro?

Tim: 7 glorious years of professional athleticism.

Clyde: 11 years.

Events emceed?

Tim: A couple of video premiers, the Tampa Am contest, a gaggle of various demos after I was done skating them, and I do an emcee gig inside my head everyday.

Clyde: Anything worth my time.

How long into an event is it until you get sick of hearing your own voice?

Tim: I've never gotten sick of my own voice but I'm sure plenty of other heads have wanted to yank my vocal chords out of my throat. But that's just the desired effect that I'm going for. I'm Bobby Fisher and they're all my pawns in this elaborate chess game of life.

Clyde: More like, do I get sick of seeing kickflip front boards or frontside flips?

First emcee gig?

Tim: That would be my birth. I came out the stink-box holding a mic and explaining stuff as I slid out. But the first thing I ever got some scratch for was the Tampa Am contest.

Clyde: Who cares?

What's the comment you made that got you in the most trouble?

Tim: I can't recall but I'm still alive so I couldn't of gotten myself into too much trouble. If I end up getting shot at one of these things then the comment that led to me getting shot would be the one.

Clyde: Anything regarding the host's personal friend/friends or some dude that's on “flow.” What the fuck is “flow” anyways? How do you “kinda” ride for somebody? Get ya shit together.

Who or what is the most fun to bag on?

Tim: I like watching the amateur best trick/worst trick contest because it is one in the same. People are dressed in the stupidest outfits doing the worst tricks I've ever seen while cheering for themselves all over the place. They also have the gall to do it all with a serious expression on their face. I also like making fun of kids that are biting other peoples styles so hard its ridiculous.

Clyde: Anyone or anything within an earshot. Ain't nobody safe.

Have you ever made anyone cry while emceeing?

Tim: I hope so.

Clyde: Who takes pride in that kinda shit?

Comment for a moment on the opposition: Clyde on Tim/Tim on Clyde.

Tim: I don't know that there's any opposition going on. What are you trying to do start a new Biggie vs. Tupac thing? I like Clyde. He's one of the few people that I do like. If you ever put us both on the mic at the same time it'll be detrimental for everybody in attendance.

Clyde: I got some competition?

Why do people want to hear what you have to say? Why do you think they ask you to emcee/host skate events so often?

Tim: Well maybe it has something to do with the fact that I'm a genius and I say shit that no mammal has ever thought before. I think they ask often because I'm not only brains, but I'm also what people refer to as a tasty piece of eye candy.

Clyde: Cause I'm a funny ass nigga... Shit, I'm even funny lookin! Who's a gooder nigga for the job?

Who are your emcee role models?

Tim: I like Chris Rock during them MTV things because he's ruthless. I heard that somebody from MTV asked him not to say something and he just got that mug fired for even daring to try and compromise his shit. That's one of the illest things I've ever heard—finally somebody with the right kind of brain wielding that type of power. I don't know that I have any real emcee role models but I like peoples that subscribe to the no mercy policy. That's just where you'll make fun of your own moms if she dares to set foot in front of you while you're grippin' a microphone. It also includes making fun of retards, old women, fat kids, and little kids with bi-focals.

Clyde: The dude from the And One tour.

Why are you a better Tampa emcee than Tim/Clyde?

Tim: I didn't know this was an emcee battle. We're ebony and ivory just getting along in perfect harmony. I like Clyde because I've seen him end up in fistfights at contests. That means he's doing the job right. You gots to piss people off. If you piss someone off you win. It's a simple equation.

Clyde: Shit, I set the tempo nigga! I'm a beast, that's what the fuck I do!

What happened to Sal and Greg Carroll? Why did you guys take their jobs?

Tim: I'll tell you what happened to their jobs. I was born and it was all over for them. Just kidding...I don't know what happened to them. I guess they're busy dealing with real life and sick of looking at little kids doing some goofy-ass shit in a skatepark.

Clyde: I never heard either one do their thing, but I'm pretty sure they got paid a lot gooder!

How does emceeing compare to skateboarding as a job?

Tim: Emceeing is good because I don't ever have to think about getting racked on a kinked handrail in the middle of a vocabulary trick such as a pun, onomatopoeia, or something of that nature. Although there's always the possibility of being electrocuted by the mic.

Clyde: There really ain't no difference. I'm count crunkula on these niggas!

Beverage of choice while emceeing?

Tim: Last time I emceed a contest I needed to suck down some hot Snapple iced tea (which I guess was no longer considered iced) with melted Halls eucalyptus in it because I was losing my voice from screaming bloody murder the nights before. I haven't had a liquor beverage during a gig before but if I ever do its all over for anyone in my path. No mercy with a side of no hesitation whatsoever. I usually try to let kids skate a little bit but if I were inebriated I'd be out on the course naked running after people in the middle of their runs.

Clyde: Orange drink.

Shouldn't you be skating instead of running your mouth?

Tim: I do skate when it's my turn. I emceed the Tampa Am and then two months later I skated in the Tampa pro instead of emceeing it. But things took a turn for the worse in the middle of my run and the next thing I knew I was trying to benihana the pyramid to flat in my underwear. I think I tried to heel flip indy the pyramid too. You gotta' do what you gotta' do when you bail your run and you know there's no chance at any loot.

Clyde: Shouldn't you be a real journalist instead of a skate journalist?

What emcee gigs have you turned down?

Tim: I turned down doing the Tampa Pro contest last year. I've also turned down some funerals.

Clyde: None.

What is your dream emcee gig?

Tim: I'd love to emcee the Special Olympics. I'd also like to do some sort of music awards or the Oscars. I'd verbally slaughter heads that suck at life but somehow achieved some type of fame on accident. Will Smith would get served viciously for his musical stupidity. Eminem would catch it too cuz he dyes his hair blonde and doesn't even know it looks corny. He also wears some stupid-ass gear on purpose. Plus his music is on some Weird Al Yankovic of rap type of shit for the most part. White people love comedy rap for some reason. White people are the worst.

Clyde: Playa Hatas Ball.

Who should never pickup a mic again?

Tim: Those two Wayans brothers that made that movie White Chicks. Those are two of the most unfunny motherfuckers I've ever seen. I remember they emceed an MTV thing and I heard people booing them after they tried to make jokes. It was hilarious.

Clyde: Brian Schaefer after he referred to john reeves as Kuta-Kenti. That was some unfunny shit.

Who hasn't that should?

Tim: Brian Wenning would be good if he was into it. He's got some weird shit going on in his mind that would be fun to hear amplified. Jason Dill or Rob Dyrdek would be good. Shit, Danny Renaud would be the best. If you fed him beer and then put him up there it would be all over with. That kid doesn't give the slightest shit and it would be hilarious. He'd make people cry for sure. Possibly drive them to suicide right there on the course.

Clyde: My man Dorien Wrenn.